He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize