Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
