i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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