she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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