I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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