super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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