Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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