There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
