onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
