Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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