i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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