i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
