I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
