Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We have started to decorate penises.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
