I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Shame - the story of my life.
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