Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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