I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
