He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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