just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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