I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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