Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
