He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
