he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We have started to decorate penises.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
