I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They have beer where we have blood.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
