i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think my moral compass just broke
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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