She's JV to your varsity
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
