Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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