connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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