well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
