He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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