The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
