It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Someone shattered a urinal.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
