I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
