I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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