i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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