bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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