i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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