So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
