you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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