thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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