she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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