you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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