Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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