listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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