jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
