he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
