May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
