I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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