he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
