I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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