a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
