i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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