and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
