Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
