i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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