Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
