dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
