whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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