i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
