Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
